what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
