2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
