i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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