I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
