man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
