SEEEEXXX PLEASE
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
