There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Im part way to drunk.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
