I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
