i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
