before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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