watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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