He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I think I sprained my soul last night
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
