It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
