just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
