Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
