i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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