oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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