He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
