I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
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