just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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