Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I said "one day" and that day is not today
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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