Whoa Z and x make the same sound
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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