I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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