did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
