You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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