I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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