I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
