So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
