she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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