I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
