I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
