he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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