chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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