I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize