I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
