Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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