Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
