For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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