I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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