So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Randomize
