i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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