Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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