I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
and i looked up. we had an audience...
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
