Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
So squirting runs in the family.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
The uberlube is also flammable
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
