You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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