I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
