im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
i out mim tonsoeep
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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