Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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