GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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