I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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