I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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