This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
