addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
i was born a porn star she said
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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